Growth

Everyone's favorite!

NOT!

Some people seem to go through life without having to think too much about growth. They are suited well enough to fit in at their schools, churches, neighborhoods and teams. They are satisfied enough with their grades, their jobs, their relationships. Their lives seem uncomplicated, except for the 'normally' hard events of life: losing loved ones, financial hardships, health challenges. Many people aspire to be 'normal' and uncomplicated, and for their lives to run smoothly and to feel a sense of belonging. Dabrowski would say these people are experiencing Primary Integration.

Then there are those with dream lives of all sorts: celebrities, authors, inventors, athletes, activists, world leaders. And we have the sense that they too have their lives all together and they're at the top of their game because they are so exceptional. These people seem to be high functioning and possess mysterious gifts and talents. These are the people that contribute their gifts and their work changes the world.

We can't always see the effort, struggle and hardship behind the scenes. Most people feel like this level of achievement is outside of their reach. Not all people in this league have achieved self-actualization and true self-determination, but these are where you might find those who've achieved Dabrowski's Secondary Integration. Some familiar names: Mathatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Buckminster Fuller, Stephen Hawking, Mother Theresa.

In between there is a lot of mess: stress, strife, crisis, mental health challenges, self-destruction and hardship. At every level. Each growth point represents the possibility of continued growth, permanent regression, or worse---self-destruction. Nothing is obvious and each person's path is unique. There are not always people to guide you.

Frequently, at times of stress or crisis, it's common to seek the familiar, and to ask loved ones for support. And frequently, instead of support you deserve from those you love, instead you get their anger, impatience, blame, misunderstanding, and cold shoulders. Those at the level of Primary Integration have no idea how much difficulty and stress you are carrying, or how isolated you are. They might even be--consciously or unconsciously-- trying to give you some form of tough love or pressure to get you back into the fold.

Whether you chose to grow beyond your family, or you chose a different life for yourself, or whether you were shunned and scapegoated and rejected by your family or community, and thus-- had this path foisted upon you--- once you start, you find you can never truly go home again.

This blog is my attempt to make sense of the mess and the life as the Party of One.