A WARNING!
I have searched high and low to understand my experiences to be able to move forward. My blog is full of stories of hard situations, which, I hope may give you comfort and connection if you're going through something hard that's similar. I hope you find ideas and a connection you can hang onto, especially if you feel alone right now, or like no one understands you.
I get scared that people reading my stories will feel pressure to get over their anger, their sadness or devastation and pain when they also read the information I used to help myself get through the difficulties.
Some of these things have taken me years of therapy, or talks with those close to me to achieve any kind of detachment or acceptance or ability to cope. There are times when stuff I thought I was "finished" being emotional about still comes up to bite me in new ways, when things happening in my life now touch the pain. And it is debilitating. For a long time.
So--to be clear---you can not skip steps. You can not just will yourself to 'get over it' successfully. I have read through many authors in the self-help section of the bookstore, and it's been my experience also, that dealing with emotion in real time, as it's happening, even as disruptive as it can be, is ultimately the quickest way through it with the least amount of collateral damage.
In no way should you feel pressure from yourself or others to pretend things are other than how they actually are. In no way does someone else's progress or acceptance mean anything about how well you are doing with your challenges. This type of work is uniquely solitary and there is always more to learn. Patience and curiosity will get you far. Pressuring yourself and trying to skip ahead will always bring pain and punishment. You don't need that!!
Also, so much of this exploration is so very solitary. Sometimes friends and family are well-meaning and they may love you the best they can, and it's just not enough and you feel estranged even when everyone's doing their best. Sometimes therapists have a modality or a DSM-V code they want to stuff you into, and you may not fit. Sometimes finances limit access to help. And, most terrifying, sometimes, you can't find an on-line community or connection that makes sense for you, and that may be the most isolating feeling of all.
That's when you know, you've come to your own Party of One. It doesn't have to mean you did anything wrong or there's anything wrong with you. At some point, we all reach this lonely and solitary challenge. It means you've come far and you're closer to your life goals. Restore your energy and keep going :)
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Dabrowski's Theory
Not many people are familiar with the work of Kazimierz Dabrowski. He is someone who experienced intense deprivation and suffering throughout his life, and responded by gifting the world his observations through his writings.
Communities of people who work with gifted children and adults have really responded to Dabrowski's theories. Specifically, his concept of Overexcitabilities, that some people observe and process a larger depth and breadth of experience of life---because this idea accurately describes many people's experiences of being gifted.
He is also well known for his theories of social, emotional, personality and ethical development in individuals. His Theory of Positive Disintegration outlines 5 stages of development, describing milestones and points of difficulty.
Positive Disintegration is a lens that I will use to give a context to relationship struggles, mental and physical health challenges, communication difficulties with friends and family, and even political fights that have waged for generations.
In offering my experiences and perspective, I wish for you to find new ways of thinking about and resolving your challenges. Like Dabrowski, I am very experienced with suffering and hardship. I have a strong desire to overcome it and create a better experience for everyone in my life. This blog is full of the ideas I have used to understand my experiences, and ultimately let them go, so they no longer hamstring me.
My goal is to compassionately contain the emotional remnants of my experiences, to create a stable, rewarding and fulfilling experience for myself and everyone around me. I know it's possible, and I dedicated singularly to this outcome. Enjoy!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_disintegration
Communities of people who work with gifted children and adults have really responded to Dabrowski's theories. Specifically, his concept of Overexcitabilities, that some people observe and process a larger depth and breadth of experience of life---because this idea accurately describes many people's experiences of being gifted.
He is also well known for his theories of social, emotional, personality and ethical development in individuals. His Theory of Positive Disintegration outlines 5 stages of development, describing milestones and points of difficulty.
Positive Disintegration is a lens that I will use to give a context to relationship struggles, mental and physical health challenges, communication difficulties with friends and family, and even political fights that have waged for generations.
In offering my experiences and perspective, I wish for you to find new ways of thinking about and resolving your challenges. Like Dabrowski, I am very experienced with suffering and hardship. I have a strong desire to overcome it and create a better experience for everyone in my life. This blog is full of the ideas I have used to understand my experiences, and ultimately let them go, so they no longer hamstring me.
My goal is to compassionately contain the emotional remnants of my experiences, to create a stable, rewarding and fulfilling experience for myself and everyone around me. I know it's possible, and I dedicated singularly to this outcome. Enjoy!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_disintegration
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